Ginny Priem is the author of You’re My Favorite, a story of betrayal. She found out the man she was living with wasn’t who he said he was. When she learned the truth, Ginny’s life as she knew it fell apart. On this episode, Ginny shares her inspiring story of post-traumatic growth from trauma and how she helps other women do the same through her GIN path.
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Post-traumatic Growth, with Ginny Priem – Episode Transcript
Lauren Chante 0:15
Hello rockstars! Welcome back to the show. We have a really cool guest today. She’s a little different with her story than most of the things I have on here but I know that her story is really going to call to your heart and I’m just gonna introduce you! This is Ginny! Say hi Ginny.
Ginny Priem 0:35
Hello rockstars! I’m so excited to be here. Thank you for having me, Lauren. I love your show.
Lauren Chante 0:41
Yes, I love your show too and I can’t wait to tell our listeners about it. I’m going to let you guys know a little bit about Ginny! As much as I love her bio, you’re just going to love her more when you get to know her over the show and get to know her story. She’s just the most warm, genuine, wonderful person and she has taken this awful thing that happened to her and just spun it into something so beautiful.
Lauren Chante 1:07
Ginny has an extensive background including experience as a Master Certified Professional Life Coach and a published author. Her book is the bomb you guys you have to get it! In addition to a corporate career spanning over 20 years (which by the way, you don’t look old enough to have a career of 20 years) focusing on leadership and emotional intelligence, she is the host of the popular Drinking with Gin podcast and has over 15 years of speaking experience.
Lauren Chante 1:34
In her published book, You are My Favorite, she shares the true story of her own personal, traumatic, end of a romantic relationship with a shocking twist which we’re going to talk about today as the man she thought was living in her house turned out not to be the man that she thought he was at all. This jarring experience set her on her own path of healing and growing.
Lauren Chante 1:56
Ginny, where do we start? I know your story but do we just start? From the beginning?
Ginny Priem 2:02
I was just going to say we might have to just start from the beginning and just stop me, pause me, interrupt me if I get too far off track. So basically I’m on this work trip. So just picture kind of like a Netflix series and the main character is this single, traveling all over, really focused on work, career oriented, traveling for fun character. That was basically my life.
Ginny Priem 2:33
And I was loving my life. It was great. Then I get introduced to this guy ‘Chad’. Now, I’m using air quotes because ‘Chad’ is not his real name. I changed all of the names in the book except for mine and my doggies at the time who are no longer with us. R.I.P. Except for Francine! I did get Francine in the book and that little story is in there.
Lauren Chante 2:57
And Francine is also a dog you guys. She’s actually like a dog model. She’s the most beautiful dog in the world.
Ginny Priem 3:03
Yep, she’s my dog daughter! Yeah! She’s amazing. And so I get introduced to ‘Chad’ and I’m really resistant to dating him because A.) My life is so good and B.) Because he has two kids. I’ve done that rodeo before and you know what happens. You fall in love with the kids and you know the rest is history but anyway, I do end up dating him, a little bit reluctantly, and I tried to start things out slow. He would like kind of step in the door at any opportunity he had and kind of pushed the door open a little further and eventually I fell in love. And I did meet the kids and I fell in love two more times.
Ginny Priem 3:49
Then before I know it, I have this instant family, they’re moving into my house and, not to mention that they don’t have a wonderful mother because they do. At that time, they would be with us about 40% of the time and with her about 60% of the time. So here I have this family now and I’m still traveling a lot for work and supporting us, and everything was great!
Ginny Priem 4:13
I’m on a work trip in Birmingham, Alabama and one of my friends, her name in the book is Lauren, which is so funny.
Lauren Chante 4:22
Yea, it’s not me as much as I wish I was part of this juicy story! It’s not me!
Ginny Priem 4:28
She needs to meet. I’m coming home, she knows I’m landing late at like 9:37pm. I’m an early bird. I go to bed early. I get up early, and it’s a Tuesday. And we were not Tuesday night cocktail kind of friends either. We would get together for coffee or workouts but never for cocktails and certainly not on a Tuesday night.
Ginny Priem 4:51
So my life is so good at this point that I’m going in all day racking my brain “What could be going on with her?”, “I hope everything’s okay”. Going into this restaurant, showing up and thinking about how I’m going to be a good friend and support her for whatever it is that’s going on in her life. Because I need to be there for her, right? Like this is Ginny and Ginny’s brain and how I think.
I get there and I walk in and she’s sobbing. And I’m just like my heart’s breaking even more for her for whatever’s going on with her that I need to be there for. She’s got the stack of papers in front of her, and I order a glass of wine and all of a sudden she starts telling me. All of this displays, this arrangement of evidence, of lies, deception, betrayal. About the man that was currently, at that time, at home sleeping in my bed.
Ginny Priem 5:51
So it’s like I walk in this restaurant one woman with a certain life and then I’m leaving facing the perspective of a completely new different life. This man was not who I thought he was at all! We’re not just talking cheating, like a lot of times people are like, “Oh, well, you know, they were cheating like people cheat all the time”. Like, this is next level like if you’ve ever heard of the series Dirty John.
Ginny Priem 6:18
This guy plays and pretends to be a doctor. He’s a financial fraud. He will take advantage of anybody for anything. I mean, I don’t want to give too many spoilers, but he lied about one of his children having brain cancer, which they didn’t and don’t. I mean, it’s just shocking, really. There’s really no other word for it. The behaviors and the things that I learned about him and continue to learn. So there’s way more to the story. It’s like, if you think the book is shocking and juicy, like we can get into some of kind of the after story and some of even the recent events that have been going on too.
Lauren Chante 7:02
Part two! Part two of the book has to come out, Ginny!
Ginny Priem 7:07
I feel like we can kind of do the part two here, in the podcast world, which is fun. So do you want me to go into that? Some of the recent events?
Lauren Chante 7:18
No, I want to pause here because frankly, like I feel like for most people this is enough, because not many of us I think, well I take that back. I was going to say not many of us walk into a restaurant one person and come out a different one. But that’s actually not true. I think everybody listening can probably pinpoint at least one moment in their lives where everything changed in the flash of a moment. I know for me, it was a pregnancy test when I was on birth control for my oldest.
Lauren Chante 7:45
It’s like you go into CVS, you come out with a with a pregnancy test, you go into the bathroom and you come out and your life is completely different, right? And we’ve all been through something traumatic like this before, but not all of us take from it what you’ve taken from it. So share about the first thing you did after you found this out and I love this story of the first thing you did and all the shit that you’ve gotten for the first thing that you did and I want to talk about
Ginny Priem 8:17
So I got my nails done! And here’s the thing, you know in hindsight (and I’m glad you want to talk about that because) shock and grief and trauma is a funny thing. Like, you don’t know how you’re going to respond until you’re in it, until you’re in that moment. And a lot of times, it’s like time is standing still and the world is still revolving around you. And in that time, at that moment, I didn’t know what to do. So all I could do is just look at what was on my calendar and do the next thing and just basically put one foot in front of the other while I was figuring out what was going on in my life and what my future looked like.
Ginny Priem 8:58
So, ironically, what’s funny about it is, we all know that human touch is one of the biggest necessities that we need. And so while it might sound vain or like “Oh my gosh, she went and got her nails done?”, it wasn’t like that at all. It was just basically doing the next thing. I was supposed to be going to my nephew’s wedding that weekend. WE were supposed to be going to my nephew’s wedding that weekend in Washington State. That’s why I had a nail appointment.
I ended up not going [to the wedding] because I just I couldn’t. I wasn’t in the right mindset or headspace and plus I had to get this guy out of my house like urgently! But in that moment, sitting down across from someone who I was seeing every couple of weeks at that point, and literally holding hands with her for 45 minutes was probably one of the best things that I could have done for myself unknowingly at that time, because that does give us the dopamine and the oxytocin and the serotonin. These things that we need to, you know, help support and regulate our bodies.
Lauren Chante 10:07
Yeah, that’s so true. And the other thing that comes up for me too, with my wellness practice is I’m really focused on that chaos proof wellness, right? If your situation isn’t the definition of chaos, I don’t know what it is? Literally your life is thrown up into the air and you’ve just got to pick up the pieces right? And something that I always tell my students is when you are in a chaotic time, the only things that will stick with you are there things that are automatic and that is kind of what happened to you.
You had the appointment on your calendar and so you follow through with it even though your brain was literally processing all of this stress. That sort of feeling of like moving through water, like you can’t think, you feel far away from the world around you. But you still were honoring the things that were automatic and the things that were in your schedule. And for me, as a wellness strategist, that’s just what we need to recognize. If we’re going to get through traumas in our life without losing it all, right, like without completely losing ourselves. It’s those automatic things that get us through and I love that about your story.
Ginny Priem 11:10
Yeah, yeah. I mean, it’s definitely unconventional, but that’s probably why people remember it, you know?
Lauren Chante 11:16
Yeah, and I know some people get critical about it too. I think there was a book review or something or somebody said something about the fact that you got your nails done and how shallow that was. How sad is it that we are put in position to be judged in our grief? Right? How much more free would we feel to actually process our emotions and grieve if people weren’t out there judging the way that we grieve? And your story just shows like everybody grieves differently. Everybody handles trauma differently. Like that’s okay, if your way is gonna be to get your nails done, go get your freaking nails done! It’s fine!
Ginny Priem 11:16
Yeah, and it’s the other thing is I think we hear this all the time, but you just never know what’s going on with somebody. And so I think that’s where a little empathy and compassion and grace for ourselves and for one another really can come into play. Like, I know I just sat there like a zombie while she was doing my nails. I mean, I remember that appointment really vividly. But you just you don’t know what’s going on with people.
Lauren Chante 12:20
So true. Now, how long did it take you from that weekend where you had to get his dirty butt out of your house? How long did it take you to process and get to the point where you turned it around and really turned it into your purpose because now you use this story to help coach people through adversity. You do keynote speaking, you have this incredible podcast, like obviously, that didn’t happen instantly. What was the transformation like for you there?
Ginny Priem 12:46
Yeah, I mean, so it was gradual. I can tell you kind of a couple of points along the way of where things really started to fall into place, I guess. But it really did. It completely changed [me]. The definition of post-traumatic growth is when you find through a difficult traumatic experience new meaning and new purpose in your life. That is exactly what this did for me. And now the fact that I get to use this experience to help other people through theirs and not just through but like, and I always say not bouncing back because I think there’s a lot of confusion between resilience and post traumatic growth. Resilience is bouncing back, but post traumatic growth is really catapulting forward and putting yourself in a completely different position than you’ve ever been before.
Ginny Priem 13:30
So it is really different and I think it’s important to understand that difference. When I think back on my journey, it was about four or five months post split, where the idea to share my story kind of came to be. It was because there were people gossiping about it around town, they were gossiping about what happened and not accurately. So I was like, okay, first of all maybe I need to set the record straight. And are people that interested in my life and what’s going? And, if so, maybe I need to share it.
Ginny Priem 14:06
So I just started writing. I just started typing and I was still traveling a ton for my job. So what I would do instead of getting on Wi Fi and watching a movie or whatever on an airplane, I just started writing. And so for about six months, I started writing and I never really knew what I was going to do with it. I started shopping around different publishers and whatnot. I met with one who I ended up ultimately publishing with. A small, local, women owned publishing company here.
And through that process, about a year later, it was a really transformational time for me. It was when I went on a meditation and wellness retreat. And that’s when I really started to realize, gosh, you know, maybe I could start speaking about my story and I kind of got a little further along in the book. But then I also got discouraged about the book. So I put it on the shelf for a little while.
About that year mark was also the first time I remember so vividly walking into a coffee shop and finding a man attractive! ‘Chad’ had really like turned me off of men so badly. I was just like, how am I ever going to trust again? So it really took almost that long to kind of get to that point. I was so excited. I was like, I found someone attractive, like this is huge! This is massive! Yay me! I’m really making progress!
Ginny Priem 15:28
And then I would say it was about two years later, two years post split. So about two years ago, where I was like, I think this is my last corporate job. And I had kind of this premonition of this really big moment. I said it to nobody at all except for myself walking down my hallway in my office. And that moment just stuck with me. I actually journaled it. I started journaling these things.
These thoughts, you know, things that were happening. And then I just really made the decision about the time that the book came out. And so once the book came out, and I started getting really good pickup and feedback, I was like yeah, we need to do more with this. You know, we need to do more with this and then the idea for the podcast came and then speaking and so in the last year is really when everything has started to come together as sort of like this perfect little picture of all these things that really intertwined together. So the coaching, the book, the podcasts and the speaking and they really all kind of flow and work really nicely together.
Lauren Chante 16:33
Yeah it’s really a beautiful story and through this processing you figured out a really concrete way to teach people their path out of adversity and you call that the G.I.N path. Do you want to tell us about the G.I.N path?
Ginny Priem 16:47
Yeah, I would love to. It came towards the end of the book where I was like, okay, you know, I’m in a totally different place. So if I can do this, I know that other people can. So I really sat with that and I reflected back, what exactly did you do? And so I kind of broke it down into three easy to digest categories, and I tested it, I pulled it apart, I put it back together with myself or not just for myself but also with other people just to make sure that would hold true for everybody. And it really does.
Ginny Priem 17:20
The first step is gathering and that’s the ‘G’ and it’s sometimes it’s just gathering yourself or gathering your breath. But one of the things that I needed to do was gather a lot of information and you know, not have the perspective of why me you know, in sort of a woe is me kind of way but why, what just happened? Why did this happen? What can I learn from it? I really gained a big understanding of the community and the people around me. Another important piece of the gathering is taking that lens and taking that hard step and turning it inward. And I began to understand myself so much better. And that was a really big step. So that’s ‘G’. I could talk about all of these forever so I’m just giving like a quick brief, you know, highlight or an overview.
Ginny Priem 18:13
Then the ‘I’ is intentions and intentions aren’t just like, you know, positive Pollyanna, like, oh yah!! But being intentional about what you’re doing, who you’re allowing in your life, the things that you’re doing and being intentional about your thoughts. So it’s not just about like I said, positive thoughts. It’s actually sitting with those thoughts for a moment and asking are they serving me? And again, being intentional about that next step that you take.
Lauren Chante 18:39
Yeah, totally because growth, it’s you have a wound that’s healing. If you just had surgery or something, you wouldn’t just go out and take a run on a knee that just had surgery. You have to give it a chance for the wound heal and set yourself up for success. You really have to nourish yourself, care for yourself, keep the wound clean. That’s kind of mentally what you have to do when you’re healing, right? You have to protect your energy from people who don’t serve the healing, protect your thoughts because sometimes we can be our own enemies. I love this Ginny, so let’s keep going!
Ginny Priem 19:08
Well, and I think what’s also really important about growing is, it’s not linear, right? You can still be growing through the process of having a really bad day, or a few really bad days or more hard moments like it doesn’t mean that you’re not growing. So I think that’s an important piece to keep in mind too is, even if this is your intention, there’s still going to be obstacles and roadblocks that come along your path. But when you do these things it helps set you up for a better healing and growing process.
Ginny Priem 19:40
I’ll give you an example before we get to the end. Because the end we can probably spend some time on just because it fits so well into what you do as a wellness strategist and a lot of what you talk about here on your podcast with your students. But an example is before I went on this journey, I lost my brother in 2017. That was the first really traumatic thing that happened in my life. It was unexpected. It was shocking. I remember that moment. Like you said, you remember these moments that happen. I could not breathe. It was like the wind got knocked out of me. I fell against my pantry door and just sunk to the ground. It’s like that moment you know that we remember these things. I was not equipped to deal with my grieving or to figure out how to heal.
Ginny Priem 20:30
So when I think back to that, I’m like, if I just had something that was easy to digest, that made sense, that I could follow that would help me through this time in this process. That would have been so helpful. And that’s a big part of the reason why I came up with this.
Then I think too, just two years ago, I lost my dad. My dad was like, we were each other’s whole worlds. I was daddy’s princess, daddy’s angel, daddy’s little girl, the apple of his eye. Like every one of the sayings, I was that! I even joked about that at his funeral because I was so much better equipped with better tools. I actually handled the grieving process and the healing and the growing from losing my dad so much better. Even though people probably would have expected that to be harder for me.
Ginny Priem 21:25
Having these easy kind of steps and the tools in your toolbox to handle these difficult times. It’s amazing how much better you can cope with these difficult things that come our way. So I apologize if that was a little bit of a sidebar, but I think it’s important to kind of compare and contrast. You know, where you’re at in being able to handle these scenarios and situations that happen.
Lauren Chante 21:51
Well, I think it gives people hope, because it’s like, I think sometimes especially if you aren’t someone who has had experience with a coaching relationship or with a mentorship, you really can just think that hard things just have to be hard. That there’s nothing that you can do to make them less hard.
I think that, you and I actually know each other through a mutual mentor, and we’re very coachable people, we’re always looking for that information that’s going to help us make our lives better. You realize that your pain doesn’t necessarily have to be as deep and as broad and you don’t have to be in pain alone. And I mean not being in pain alone is almost like the most valuable thing, to have that connection and to know that your experience is normal and valid and that you aren’t doing it wrong or experiencing it wrong, but then also having the awareness that wow, like all these hard things in life don’t have to be quite so dismal. It’s like a really big deal.
Ginny Priem 22:47
That’s really a big part of the reason why I shared my story. Because a lot of times we think that our story isn’t big enough to share. You think that “Oh, well, people get divorced all the time” or “People lose their jobs all the time”. Like this shouldn’t be that big of a deal. But when it’s happening to you in your life, it is big! People want to feel like they’re not alone and to give that validation. And then the other thing that it does that I found through my own podcast and my own social media community is it creates community and it creates connection among people and we need that to help get us to that next place. And so it’s a really important component. So I’m so glad that you brought that up.
Lauren Chante 22:48
Thank you for facilitating it with your story because I know a lot of people are feeling an “AHA” moment with this right now.
Ginny Priem 23:37
Yeah, so the ‘N’ is nurture. And why this is so important is, I know you have a lot of busy wives, moms, career people, listening and a lot of times we put ourselves last. And we have to take care of ourselves first so that we can be the best version of ourselves, even if it’s just for ourselves. But also if it’s for the other people around us, and nurture can look a lot of different ways. So for me, I discovered [as I mentioned] that meditation retreat, which, by the way, I had never meditated for a second in my life before I went on this meditation retreat. For a week! In another country!
Lauren Chante 24:18
So it was like I just made a BIG commitment to something I don’t know if I can do!
Ginny Priem 24:24
Incorporating meditation into my life has been life changing. It’s allowed me to really understand and connect with myself better and be able to be present, which really I think helps you find a lot more joy in life. And for me, it’s helped me become more relaxed, less reactive, much more calm, and able to take the things that come my way in such a better fashion.
Ginny Priem 24:48
So meditation might not be right for everybody. I’m not saying that’s like a one size fits all. It might be prayer or faith, like that can be a place that a lot of people lean to and it might be taking care of yourself physically. Like exercise. And again, exercise can look a lot of different ways and understanding and being intentional about what that kind of exercise is.
Ginny Priem 25:10
So you might think yoga, right, for example. But think about why are you wanting to do yoga? Do you want to go do a hot yoga class because you just need to sweat it out? Is it because you need to just be present with yourself in the four corners of a mat? Is it because you want to get a good stretch?
Ginny Priem 25:29
Do you want to go for a run to clear your mind, right? So thinking about what it is that you need and really tapping into your body and that’s where the meditation helped me be more intentional and present with what I needed. And nurture is also about nurturing ourselves with healthy nourishing food and you talked about that, you know, and that’s why I was like, oh, I know we’re really going to be able to dive into this. It might be carving out some self care time for you. Maybe you want to get your nails done!
Lauren Chante 25:57
And nobody can say anything nasty about it!
Ginny Priem 26:03
No they can not! Or maybe it’s a massage or sometimes it might just be finding a little quiet time. If the quiet is not too loud, right? Like sometimes, you know, it’s really being intentional about what you need in that moment to nurture yourself. So it’s such a broad category and we can talk about a bazillion different examples. But you know, I know you talk about nurture and nourishing yourself so much so I knew this would be an important one for us to make sure that we touched on.
Lauren Chante 26:32
It is and what’s really coming up for me here is where nurture falls in the path right? You would almost think that nurture should be first right? Like you should go through self care and like, just kind of give yourself that love right after the trauma. But what I find interesting is you talk about how you need to pay attention to what you uniquely need to nurture you. Do you need the hot yoga class? Do you need the manicure?
I think the reason that’s so important is because you have become a different person by that time in the G.I.N path. You’re not the person you were when you started, you’re not the person you were before you went through the trauma. You now arrive at the end of your G.I.N path as a completely different person and you have to take the time to get to know yourself as the new version of you. To see what’s shifted, to see what things that you now need to be different. I know it just kind of unfolded for you, but it’s really masterful how this G.I.N path has played out and I can see how it’s really powerful for people who are experiencing trauma like you have.
Ginny Priem 27:34
Yeah, that actually reminds me of one of my favorite quotes because you’re talking about you’re changing and when you experience trauma or some sort of adversity in your life. There’s a quote by a shaman, Heather Ash Amara, and she says that “Change is inevitable but transformation is by conscious choice”. When something like this happens, you’re inevitably going to change. But transformation is by conscious choice.
That is the biggest thing is your mindset and it also reminds me of one of my very favorite philosopher’s sayings, which is my dad! My dad always would say “You’re the architect of your own destiny”, and when I was a kid, I was like “Agh, whatever dad !”. And now here I am, quoting him all the time now that he’s gone, especially sometimes those lessons come to us when they’re supposed to come to us. We can’t always control what happens to us. But we can control how we respond. And I really think those two quotes to me, they really mean the same thing. And it’s about making that choice of what we do with our stories.
Lauren Chante 28:54
I’ve got the shivers and the tingles! That’s so good. That’s so good because I know like you said everybody listening has a story. And I think a lot of us just shove our stories down and kind of let them become dusty and don’t let them see the light of day. But how different would the world be if we all let our stories see light and if we decided to be transformed by them and let other people be transformed. So thank you Ginny, I think this is amazing!
Ginny Priem 29:19
Oh, you’re so welcome. It can get really heavy carrying around our stories on our shoulders and in our hearts. When you start to share it, it’s amazing what happens and like we talked about the validation, the connection and the community. It also can help to remove the stigma or the shame or the guilt that we have from kind of keeping it to ourselves. And it’s really a beautiful thing that can happen for people and you can create a whole new community and you just don’t know the beauty that can come from opening up.
Ginny Priem 29:53
And it’s scary! I’ll tell you being vulnerable. Like, if you talk to people that knew me 10 years ago, they’d be like, I’m sorry, who? She was talking about herself vulnerably? But now it’s just like it’s all out there. And it’s really freeing, but what’s more rewarding is to see what it can do to help other people on their journeys and on their paths.
Lauren Chante 29:53
Yeah, there’s this country song I’m obsessed with right now by Zack Bryan and there’s this lyric that goes “Find someone who plants flowers in the darkest parts of you”. I think that maybe the song is meant to be about a romance. I’m really into the girl community and the woman community right now and how we have the power to be the women who plant flowers in the dark places for other people. That’s really what you’re doing, Ginny.
Ginny Priem 29:53
Oh, thank you. That is the nicest compliment!
Lauren Chante 29:53
I’m getting teary eyed you guys! I think this is the first time recording an episode I’ve almost cried on my own show.
Ginny Priem 29:53
Well, what’s interesting about that is like the synchronicities of a lot of the things that were saying and when you were talking about nourish and I was like, oh, that’s like nourish. I talked about nourishing foods and nurture. But the song lyric that you just said, one of the things that I say all the time is when you are in that dark place, in that hard time, it might feel like you are a seed buried deep below the earth. But have you actually been planted? And that’s what that reminds me of. That nurture part is you’ve got to water yourself. Right? You have to water yourself and if you make that conscious choice to choose transformation, you can take that seed and turn it into a beautiful flower.
Lauren Chante 29:53
Wow! Guys, Ginny Priem, you have to go subscribe to her podcast right now! Literally stop what you’re doing, go to Apple podcasts or wherever you listen! It’s Drinking with Gin, because every episode is like this! Ginny’s story is amazing. And what she brings to life is amazing. And I hope people are popping onto your Instagram to tell you how much they loved this episode because I know I loved it! So thank you Ginny for being here.
Ginny Priem 29:53
Thank you so much for having me. Thank you.
Lauren Chante 29:53
Tell everyone what your Instagram handle is.
Ginny Priem 29:53
It’s very creative. It’s Ginny Priem! Just my name! That’s what all my socials are. My website, Instagram, Tiktok, LinkedIn all of it so you can find me. Just Ginny Priem
Lauren Chante 29:53
Well, thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Ginny.
Ginny Priem 29:53
Thank you for allowing me, I appreciate it.
To see all of my blog posts, go to: BLOG • Lauren Chante – Weight Loss Strategist